You may have eaten a cup cake, but have you tried a mug cake? One of my aunts, Kristine Hornblow, sent me this recipe recently, and I recommend it as it is particularly quick and easy to make. The whole thing is made in a mug, cooked in the microwave, and can be eaten straight out of the mug too, so no other dishes are required.

Anyway, have a look at the recipe (Krecipes format or PDF), try making it, and let me know how it goes.

I am glad that I do not get sick very often. And even when I do it is generally not very bad really.
I am fortunate to have a good flat this year, with a bunch of pretty good guys really.
I am fortunate to have enough food to eat, access to the Internet, reliable electricity and running water.
I am glad to have met and come to know a little many people over the last few years.
I am glad to be part of a good church.
I am very grateful to my parents for bringing me up and caring for me, and for everything they have done for me over the years, the time they have spent with me and for me.
I am glad for the times friend have shown care for me, talking to me, asking how I am, doing things together, making time to see me.
I am fortunate to have a good job, even though it is frustrating at times, but doing what should be relatively interesting work with some intelligent people.
I owe all to God, Yahweh, who sent his Son to die for me, sinner that I am, that I might be forgiven and restored to relationship with Him. I still do not know how this works, but I am told that it is true and I must believe it. Without God’s grace I am hopeless. With it I must live for Him, somehow.

I would like to tell you about a few local musicians whom I know to varying degrees. They all live in Wellington, and I have met all of them at least once.

First up is Josh Thompson, now calling himself Danjor (previously Tommo39). Danjor’s music is mostly fairly light acoustic rock about God and girls. You can see what he is up to at the Danjor blog, and download some free tracks from his old website. He is working on an album to be released at some point, but in the meantime I recommend that you download his songs and listen to them.

Someone else well worth listening to is Sarah Hughes. She plays female singer-songwriter sort of stuff, again someone singing about life and love and God with a guitar. She does do it well though. Unfortunately the last.fm page for Sarah Hughes refers to another artist of the same name. Sarah has so far released one album, Glimpses. Unfortunately it only has 6 tracks, but I recommend it nonetheless. You will have to contact her directly to buy it; try her blog (linked above). I am not aware of any plans for more albums, but who knows.

Another Josh with a guitar to watch out for is Josh Baker. Josh seems like a fairly interesting character (well, maths students are always cool, right?), and he seems to write a fair number of songs, some of which he records and posts online.

Is there anyone I have missed? Whom do you recommend?

Sometimes I am happy, often I am fairly neural, and sometimes I am unhappy.

When I am happy I tend to be inspired to work on things (or start new projects), to make the effort to talk to people, and even to be somewhat sociable.

When I am unhappy I tend to be unmotivated, not do much, take long walks in the middle of the night or just sit or lie around feeling sorry for myself. I suppose I think more about myself and less about other people.

Anyway, I have given a little consideration to what tends to make me happy. One of the main things, I think, is making things which other people like and appreciate. Some examples of this are:

• I have been doing some work lately on a robot which lorne and I want to make. Trying to get an IO expander working with a Meraki over I2C, programming a PIC to talk to the Meraki, getting parts to build H-bridges, that sort of thing. Having him appreciate how cool it is, and get excited at the little achievements along the way (I2C is working, I just needed to add pull-ups! The PIC is running fine off 3.3 V now, disabling BOREN did the trick!) helps me to keep motivated. Working on a project with smart people is fun!
• It is nice that people are using and apparently liking theQuotebook. It took a lot of work to get it to the point where it now is, and there are still many more things to be fixed, added and improved. What I have really liked though is when friends have taken the time to try things out, think about it, say what they like and dislike, and sometimes offer suggestions. Thanks to shoeshine, Melanie, Josh, Valerie and anyone else who has made suggestions or comments.
• I like it when I bake stuff and people like it. Be it muffins, or the steamed pudding (with custard) which I made tonight and my flatmates consumed, focaccia bread yesterday, the apple scotch I made for the pot-luck we had at my lifegroup quite a few weeks ago (though it got quite burnt; I should never have let myself be persuaded to put it into the oven).

I guess a big part of this comes from just wanting to feel appreciated, or at least acknowledged, by people about whom I care. For similar reasons I guess, I appreciate it when people make the effort to talk to me, email me, ask how I am, even spend time with me. Certainly, I tend to find that talking to people can make me happier, when I can manage it. Or when someone makes the effort to talk to me even though I am frustrated or irritated and unsociable and hard to talk to.

There is still a fair bit about what effects my mood that I do not understand though. Sometimes I am just unhappy or unmotivated for no particular reason that I can see; on the odd occasion I even find myself happy for no reason I can discern.

Oh, and I really enjoyed contradancing the weekend before last at the St. Michael’s fundraiser, once I got into it anyway. I am not sure how that fits in. Probably something to do with the combination of live music, positive social interaction and physical activity. Thanks, Stevie and Allan, for dragging me along.

I have been told that I should tell you all to talk to Bob. Bob is a chatterbot I wrote about three and a half years ago, which learns from what people say to it. Everything it says is based on something it has heard in the past; there is no knowledge of any particular language built into it.

Unfortunately the problem with putting such a thing on the web — or indeed most anywhere on the Internet — is that people tend to type garbage into it most of the time, and so it ends up spouting the same garbage. I have just now cleared its database though, so it should hopefully be relatively sensical for at least a few weeks until it gets overwhelmed with nonsense again. It can even be quite funny at times.

If you are curious, after chatting to it for a while you might want to see Bob chat to itself or see the contents of its ‘brain’.

Swing swing.
Swing, swing.
It is cloudy tonight, though there are some bare patches. Stars visible briefly. The clouds move quite rapidly. I can see the Southern Cross. Now I cannot. The breeze gets up a bit.
10:14 pm now. Early, comparatively. I wonder whether I will sleep tonight.
I can hear something breathing heavily. Irregularly. Some animal I guess, but I cannot see it. Looking around for it, listening carefully. Unnerving.
Back to the swing. Music back on.

Time to stop swinging. Need some certainty in life. On whom to rely, to depend?
Here I sit. Not in the hall of the mountain king. Ouch, too loud suddenly.

The breathing seems to have stopped. Odd.
Perhaps no human will keep eir word. God does, apparently. Not quite sure what to make of it though.
God should be all I need, apparently. But human relationships would be nice too. Should be nice. Some sort of connection? I am not sure how to find it, or make it. Things seem not to work out. What does that mean? Why?
Always why. And how.
Ha, and when.

Just walking now. Downhill. Perhaps I will run later.

I really must get some decent headphones.
What would it be like to be able to control my mind more? Less wandering?More productive? More focussed, less distractable, pointlessly and uselessly sidetracked? What is important in life? What can I do? What can I even hope to do, to achieve?
Keep walking.
Cannot stop, cannot stand still, going nowhere.

Ran. Just a little.

I have a few computer bits and pieces to get rid of, so I thought it best before throwing them out to check whether anyone might want any of them. So, does anyone want any of the following:

• An AMD Sempron processor (I cannot remember the exact model number, but around 1.8 GHz), with heatsink and fan.
• An SBus framebuffer (graphics card), to suit a Sun Sparcstation of some sort. It takes up two SBus sockets, and has the usual 13W3 connector that Sun used to use for their monitors.
• An external audio adapter for a Sun Sparcstation with the appropriate socket. It has a speaker, microphone, volume controls and line in / out sockets.
• Various old PCI graphics cards, and I think some AGP ones too, possibly not so old.
• Various PCI sound cards.

All of that is free to anyone who wants it, so let me know soon if you are interested in any of it. I also have various other bits and pieces that I might be persuaded to part with, so let me know if you are looking for anything in particular.

I often find that I associate things in my life — events, feelings, and so on — quite strongly with music. Some songs remind me of particular times, places, emotions, happenings.
Here are some songs that have been significant over the past year or so.

‘Bottom of Yourself‘ by The Anywheres was a song that I listened to quite a bit at times last year. There were times last year when I felt completely exhausted, drained, unable to go any further, and this song seemed to fit.

So when you get there
Let me know you’re well
I’ll be waiting for your call
And when you get there
Tell me how it feels
To reach the bottom of yourself

Oh, and it quotes Amazing Grace, which makes it even better. Definitely something to listen to during long walks in the middle of the night.

‘Lights of Sunday‘ by Emerald Park is another fairly acoustic, indie song, which I have been listening to a bit earlier this year. Again, something to listen to while walking slowly, at night, to no particular destination. And again, I identify with it as reflecting how I have felt at times.

He’s tired of himself
I don’t think sleep will help
You’re weary and you sleep
‘Cause you’re tired of yourself
When you’re sorry for yourself
You push your friends away
And when you push your friends away
You feel sorry for yourself

Real Synthetic Audio is not a song but a podcast, playing 40 minutes of industrial, EBM and futurepop each week. Driving beats and angry Germans. I got into RSA this last year through my Ukrainian friend Cat, who would often play it while we were working in the lab late at night, night after night. I found it to be good music for keeping oneself awake through the months of 14–16-hour days that is honours.
It is also good for walking fast, or running. It tends to be pretty hard stuff, and there are some songs or entire episodes that I dislike, but I currently have 23 episodes that I listen to on and off. I probably do not listen to it quite as much as I used to, though just a few days ago I was listening to quite a bit.

‘Leaves That Are Green’ by Simon and Garfunkel is a song that I identify with a bit at the moment, feeling that I am getting older without really getting anywhere. Missing people, feeling opportunities slip away.

I was twenty-one years when I wrote this song.
I’m twenty-two now but I won’t be for long,
Time hurries on.
And the leaves that are green turn to brown,
And they wither with the wind,
And they crumble in your hand.

Hello, hello, hello, good-bye,
Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye,
That’s all there is.
And the leaves that are green turned to brown,
And they wither with the wind,
And they crumble in your hand.

My only gripe, though, are the lines “I was twenty-one years when I wrote this song. / I’m twenty-two now but I won’t be for long”. This does not make sense: how old was Paul Simon when he wrote those lines? 21 or 22?
More Simon and Garfunkel songs that I have lately listened to and thought about are ‘Patterns’, ‘Bye Bye Love’ and ‘The Sound Of Silence’.

‘In Christ Alone’, by Stuart Townend and Keith Getty, reminds me of TSCF conferences.

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

The triumphant final verse is particularly good too:

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.

I bought Stuart Townend’s album ‘There is a Hope’ at the the TSCF mid-year conference last year, I think it was, and there are quite a few really good songs on there, I guess best described as modern hymns.
Some more great songs on the same album, which I think I also remember from TSCF conferences, are ‘There Is A Hope’ and ‘Salvation Song’.

‘Lead Me To The Cross’ by Graham Kendrick (not to be confused with the Hillsong song of the same name) is another excellent hymn, which I remember from the 2006 TSCF midyear conference:

How can I be free from sin?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus
From the guilt, the power, the pain?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus

There’s no other way
No price that I could pay
Simply to the cross I cling
This is all I need
This is all I plead
That his blood was shed for me

The Flaming Lips (or at least, their album ‘Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots’) remind me of working at Innaworks the summer before last, as I first heard them there (thanks to Darren I think). At first I was not too keen on their music, but it definitely grew on me and and I listened to it a fair bit in Memphis last year.

Another song that reminds me a lot of last year is ‘I Am A Rock’ by Simon and Garfunkel. I felt that I could relate to it:

I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
Its laughter and its loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And the end, sad, defiant, but still not quite honest:

Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

It was something that I listened to late at night, alone in Memphis, anyway.

There are of course many more songs: stuff by Breaking Benjamin, Live, Lagoona, Apocalyptica, Nightwish, Switchfoot, Adiemus and others, and I am really liking The Cranberries at the moment, especially ‘I Just Shot John Lennon’ and ‘I’m Still Remembering’. But I think that will do for now.

Oh, one more: ‘Videotape’ by Radiohead. Another melancholic one, bringing memories of walking home in the dark, tired but not sleepy, dissatisfied. Perhaps it is raining a little.
It is hard to pick just one part to quote here, so do listen to the whole thing, but here is the beginning and the end:

When I’m at the pearly gates
This’ll be on my videotape
My videotape
My videotape

No matter what happens now
I won’t be afraid
Because I know
Today has been the most perfect day I have ever seen.

As usual, Thom Yorke’s voice is amazing in his unique way, and this sparse song demonstrates it well.

What songs are particularly significant to you?

Well, there has been quite a delay since the first and second parts, but this is the third and final post of my series recommending some Firefox extensions that I find useful, and think that you might too.

Here goes.

Google Gears allows web applications to do some things they would not normally be able to do, to do more of the things that it would normally be necessary to install a local applications to do. In particular, it lets web apps (such as GMail and Google calendar) work without an Internet connection by storing data in a client-side database, and also keeping the data for the webpages (HTML, Javascript &c.) locally. It also provides some features to allow Javascript to be executed more efficiently, and — perhaps most interestingly to me — provides access to location information (from WiFi signals, GPS, IP geolocation, or whatever is available). This does require the user to give permission, of course. It is for this functionality that I installed Gears, as it is used by the desktop (iGoogle) version of Latitude.

Ubiquity is a bit difficult to explain without demonstrating it. So, try it. It lets you do all sorts of things in your browser by typing commands. It pops up in front of the current page, and can do things like Googling something, editing the page, posting to Twitter, composing an email, finding a map, and anything else you might think of. The idea is a bit like Quicksilver (or Katapult, or Krunner, or GNOME Do), if you have used any of those, but for the browser rather than the OS, and so with more integration with all sorts of useful web services. It really is quite a cool idea. I tend to use it for quickly looking up in a dictionary words in a page I am reading if I am not sure what they mean, or for Googling things if I want a little more information. It is a bit quicker and less disruptive than opening a whole new tab to do it; I can Google something just by selecting it, then going Ctrl+Space (to show Ubiquity) and typing ‘go’ (for Google; you only need to type enough of a command to distinguish it from the other available commands).
New actions can be added by installing simple scripts (written in Javascript). People have already written all sorts of such scripts which you can install easily, or you can write your own if there is some action you want that nobody has yet thought of.

VeriSign’s OpenID SeatBelt keeps track of your OpenID login, and warns you about Phishing attempts. It will show whether you are currently logged into your OpenID provider, let you login if you need to, and automatically fill in your OpenID when you visit a site using OpenID login. By default it comes configured to work with VeriSign’s OpenID service, but you can easily configure to work with other services (I use it for my OpenID http://q.geek.nz/, which is delegated to myOpenID).
If you use OpenID, it is quite handy. If you do not use OpenID, you should. It saves having to remember so many passwords for different sites, as you can login to any site supporting OpenID with a single account. Actually, there is a fair chance that you already have an OpenID without even knowing it, at least if you use GMail, any Yahoo services, LiveJournal, Windows Live, WordPress.com, or various other services.

Well, that is all from me on this topic. I would be interested to hear what Firefox extensions you, dear readers, use (if, indeed, you use Firefox), and what you think of them. I would also love to hear if you try any of those that I recommended over these three posts.

So there is (or was, I have missed it because I am too slow at writing) a meme going around Facebook called ‘25 things’, where people write 25 things about themselves in a note, and then abuse the tagging system to tag 25 friends who are then supposed to do the same thing. Some people’s things were inane, some interesting, and some quite revealing. Anyway, I am following suit, in case anybody cares to read. Except, I am not writing 25 things, because there seems no good reason for such arbitrary targets.

Comments are welcome of course (appreciated, even). Though maybe it is best to comment in person.

The following things have been written over a period of a few months (I started writing this in January 2009), so my apologies that it is a bit disjointed, and that some points overlap others. My moods have varied a bit over that time too, as happens. Anyway, the things written below were how I thought or felt at some point in the past, and may or may not still be true.

I sometimes (often) avoid talking to people, especially in large groups and when I am tired and stressed, because I find it hard, quite an effort. That does not mean that I do not want to talk to people though; on the contrary I really enjoy a good conversation. If I am non-communicative and you can be bothered I can generally be made to talk. And I will probably appreciate it. Unless I am really trying to do something.

I have two Rubik’s cubes on my desk. And an IBM penguin, with a removable head. Also a rubber band, a peg, a CD, some pens, glue, a few pads, two webcams, a lightbulb (screw fitting), some iron sand in a breadbag (from Wanganui beach, I think), a magnetic strip card reader, a soundcard preamp (with only one channel working), an oscilloscope probe, a bluetooth GPS receiver, various pieces of paper, two clip-leads, my old motherboard and processor (which I should throw out soon, unless anyone wants them), a couple of receipts, and a few other bits and pieces.

If I keep offering to help you, it is probably because I want to spend time with you. Sometimes I get disappointed that my offers to help are not taken up, especially if for no apparent reason. But I guess this is silly.

I want to share more, sometimes. But there are few people I trust enough to talk about things sensitive and important to me, and fewer still with whom I have the opportunity. Perhaps (often) none.

I like talking (listening) to people about things they are passionate about, care about.

I find writing hard, mostly. Sometimes (occasionally) worthwhile. More often necessary.

I am often lonely. Maybe not desperately so, but to some extent. Large groups of people tend to emphasise / amplify this. I guess it is the contrast.

I prefer one-on-one conversations. Maybe 3 people if all are fully involved and engaged. When I am in a happy mood (maybe not quite the best description? A certain sort of mood anyway) I can cope with and even enjoy larger group conversations, but I easily get lost or only participate on a shallow level or sporadically. I tend not to feel really part of the group. Often I find it difficult to hear what everybody is saying, especially if there is background noise or several concurrent conversations. Often I find it difficult to keep up. Sometimes with all this I just give up. When I am tired or not in the mood for it I give up a lot more easily. Large group conversations tend often to be more shallow anyway; mostly joking rather than serious conversation (not that joking is bad, by any means — I certainly like to joke and laugh).

I am not much good at expressing myself at the best of times. When I am unhappy or in a bad mood I tend to be worse.

I have changed a lot in the last two years (or so).

I like hugs, mostly.

I have much difficulty sleeping. This has got worse over the past year. It is partly my own fault, but not entirely. It is 2:30 am as I write this. I went to bed just after midnight. I should get up at 8:00 am but probably will not. Again. (Reading back over this, I do now have to get up earlier to get to work, and so I do get to bed a bit earlier, but I find sleeping hard.)

I really need to buy a new (desktop) computer. I have been planning to do so for over a year now. It is getting more and more of a pain. (Now, as I post this, I have already done so some weeks ago.)

I do not like repeating myself. Read my blog, and Twitter and so on, then talk to me. But please do talk to me! I do really want to talk to people more. Certain people in particular, but most other people too.

I prefer to avoid all mind-altering chemicals. Even ethanol and caffeine. Theobromine is about as far as I go. Not that I have a problem with other people drinking coffee (although I cannot stand the taste), or drinking alcohol in moderation. I think that getting drunk is stupid though, and likewise smoking pot or taking any other drugs. I think it is sad how many people in New Zealand think that alcohol is necessary to have fun, at a party or whatever. My avoidance of alcohol is partly (though not solely) in protest at this.

I often envy people their relationships.

I am not good at / tend not to ask for help. Part of the problem us that when I most need / would want help of one sort of another I tend to be stressed, upset, depressed or otherwise unhappy, and when in such a mood I find it even harder than usual to talk to people. So I tend to hope that someone will ask, and they tend not to (though there are certainly exceptions), and in the occasions that they do I have a bad tendency to push them away.

I type Dvorak.

I like music. Lots of music, both recorded and (sometimes) live. But I am not musical myself.

I do not like missing out on things. If something fun happens and I do not hear about it beforehand, or am not invited, or cannot come, I tend to be disappointed.

I often wonder what other people think of me, in particular what they perceive as my flaws. So do tell me what I am doing wrong; perhaps that way I can improve.

Sometimes, I wish that people would want to come and see me, just to visit, have company, chat, hang out, whatever. Not because they want me to fix their computer, or give them something. Not because I organised something, or because of someone else, or because they need somewhere to crash for the night. Not out of obligation, even. Just because they want to see me, because they might even possibly enjoy my company, and are willing to make an effort for it. Because they feel like it.
Not that any of those other reasons are bad, nor will I reject them. I am willing to help people, to give them stuff that I have sometimes (that is part of the reason that I collect potentially useful things, so do ask), to organise events sometimes.
But really, it would be nice just to talk, to keep company, to scheme and plan and make and joke and build and laugh and create and share and enjoy.

I have a bit of a tendency to play devil’s advocate. Sometimes, if you take a position on something I think not clear-cut or on which I have no strong opinion I will take the opposite position just to see what you will argue, to draw out the conversation. I think that it can be a helpful technique to explore an idea. I may well come out agreeing with you.

That is all for now.