Thoughts of a geek

9 July 2009

On my mind

Filed under: Lists, Me — Tags: , , , , , — qwandor @ 10:48 pm

I think the things that occupy my mind at the moment, worry me I guess I could say, can be divided into four main categories:

  1. The future
  2. God
  3. People
  4. Girls

By ‘at the moment’, I guess I mean this year. And that order is not particularly significant.

Expanding a little.

The future — well, what am I doing with my life? For rather a while I had been very focussed on study, completing my degree. Well, I got the degree, I got good grades, I graduated, but what does it all mean in the end? Yeah, I got a job. A good academic record and work experience do help with that. But now, what? Was all the effort and stress and everything worth it? And what should I aim for now? Do I have anything to look forward to, or is it all downhill from here? I do not even know what I want, really, which makes aiming for it, planning, rather hard. I guess I like to have a plan.

Well, that was more about the past than the future. Some possible possibilities are:

  • Travel: But that would be expensive, for no clear benefit, aim or purpose. Where would I go? And with whom?
  • Work: Going where? Why? Though yeah, earning money is kind of necessary to live.
  • Further study — perhaps a Masters or even a PhD: But in what? I am severely lacking in inspiration (okay, this is not limited to study, but is particularly relevant to embarking on further study I think). At Vic, or somewhere else in NZ, or overseas? No option is really compelling.

Direction and purpose would be nice.
And what about God, in all of this? Apparently my aim should be to serve Him somehow. It is unclear how I should do that, what effect that should have on my decisions. Well, that leads nicely into my second category…

God — by which I mean faith and Christianity and so on. I am not sure what to say. God seems… well, distant, to say the least. Presumably that is my fault. Actually God is a bit of an odd one out on this list; He is not necessarily on my mind all that much, but He should be. I think?

People — relating, talking, spending time with people. What are friends, what should friends be? How should I treat friends, and what should I expect from friends? Who should I consider my friends anyway? Facebook says that I have 222, but I am pretty sure that it is lying (-;. People are hard.

Girls — well, girls are people too, with all the difficulties that that entails. I am not sure what to say, at least in this public context. I guess I will say nothing more.

There is of course overlap between all of these.

Soundtrack for this post: Simon & Garfunkel ‘Leaves That Are Green‘, Jonathan Coulton ‘The Future Soon‘, The Echoing Green ‘Suffer‘ (it can be found on The Best of IVM Vol. 1). And after that, perhaps some Apoptygma Berzerk. I have been listening to them a fair bit over the past week or so anyway.



  1. So what’s her name 😉

    As far as the work thing goes, I think it is common in Christian circles to buy into this concept that somehow working a normal job like a non-Christian would for an extended period of time is a bad thing. Unless you do feel that you are called to go into some form of full time “Christian” work, there’s actually nothing wrong with finding a good company and staying there for as many decades as seems appropriate. It may look quite ordinary on the surface, but Christians are called to be extraordinary by how we live, not where we work. Just a thought…

    Comment by tommo39 — 9 July 2009 @ 11:36 pm

    • > So what’s her name 😉
      You misinterpret. Nothing is happening or likely to happen. Just, hmm, frustrated with myself I guess.

      Comment by qwandor — 9 July 2009 @ 11:48 pm

      • I wasn’t really asking what was happening or likely to happen, I was asking who you would want it to happen with if it did happen. Well, maybe that’s what you meant…

        Anyway, as much as I enjoy being nosy, I do find the whole Christian thought on jobs quite interesting. I wonder whether it could merit a dedicated post to see what discussion could occur, I imagine there’d be a few opinions out there.

        Comment by tommo39 — 9 July 2009 @ 11:53 pm

    • As for the job thing, the Christian part of it is not really at the top of my mind. God’s will seems like something I should be considering, but is not something I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about. I am more thinking on a personal level, what do I want to do, achieve, whatever.

      Comment by qwandor — 9 July 2009 @ 11:51 pm

  2. Shot Andrew appreciate you putting this up man.. I’ve found similar things in my own life, though without coming down from such an intense year of study and achievement as you did. A lot of what you wrote I reckon comes down to significance: do I have significant relationships, or a series of semi-random points of contact with people who will come and go? And what about a career: where’s the kind of significance in that we work for and hope for as students? I love Malcolm Muggeridge (can’t spell his name tho): before I left I was reading “Chronicles of Wasted Time”. He was talking about his wife at one point, a time when she was so sick, he donated blood straight to her at her bedside at the hospital. He said that was one poignant experience of being able to truly give something of himself for her. But that kind of thing is so rare I think-90% of the time, the real significance in relationships comes in the end through choice, not through chance.
    Wanna encourage you, I’ve appreciated how you’ve always striven to put into action what you know is right, and a lot of people notice that about you, though maybe we don’t communicate that well enough. BTW, point 4, it’s not always gunna be complicated, really not. God designed us to be fused together as His body, and it happens!
    TC man-be encouraged. Sending more stories your way soon

    Comment by Peter — 10 July 2009 @ 4:42 am

  3. I like Kirsten’s answer on facebook. Your ministry is your work, whatever that is (whether study, volunteering or paid work). That’s the most important thing – sharing God’s love with those around you, wherever you are. Everything else is of lesser importance. The more we know God’s word and apply it to ourselves on a deep level through study, meditation, fellowship, prayer etc, the better we know how to love God and others.

    You don’t always have to have a plan, but it is wise to do things that keep your options open, and you have done that by completing your studies well and working at a good job. Once you build up a little cash you can do whatever you want… If you don’t know what you want that’s fine, if you keeping taking opportunities and trying different things, you’ll find things that really excite you, which you can see how God could use you through them…

    I guess I feel that if you follow good habits now (per the cliche “the present is all we have”), the future will take care of itself (or more accurately, God will bless your efforts).

    Comment by gracefool — 11 July 2009 @ 4:21 pm

  4. Oh and to me, a friend is someone who listens to me and challenges me.

    Comment by gracefool — 11 July 2009 @ 4:25 pm

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