Thoughts of a geek

28 May 2009

Swing swing

Filed under: Me — Tags: , , , , , , , — qwandor @ 11:30 pm

Swing swing.
Swing, swing.
It is cloudy tonight, though there are some bare patches. Stars visible briefly. The clouds move quite rapidly. I can see the Southern Cross. Now I cannot. The breeze gets up a bit.
10:14 pm now. Early, comparatively. I wonder whether I will sleep tonight.
I can hear something breathing heavily. Irregularly. Some animal I guess, but I cannot see it. Looking around for it, listening carefully. Unnerving.
Back to the swing. Music back on.

Time to stop swinging. Need some certainty in life. On whom to rely, to depend?
Here I sit. Not in the hall of the mountain king. Ouch, too loud suddenly.

The breathing seems to have stopped. Odd.
Perhaps no human will keep eir word. God does, apparently. Not quite sure what to make of it though.
God should be all I need, apparently. But human relationships would be nice too. Should be nice. Some sort of connection? I am not sure how to find it, or make it. Things seem not to work out. What does that mean? Why?
Always why. And how.
Ha, and when.

Just walking now. Downhill. Perhaps I will run later.

I really must get some decent headphones.
What would it be like to be able to control my mind more? Less wandering?More productive? More focussed, less distractable, pointlessly and uselessly sidetracked? What is important in life? What can I do? What can I even hope to do, to achieve?
Keep walking.
Cannot stop, cannot stand still, going nowhere.

Ran. Just a little.


7 April 2009


Filed under: Me, music — Tags: , , , — qwandor @ 12:57 am

Social interaction is frustrating. Well, attempts at such.
The moon is disappearing. Hidden behind the clouds. Appearing, still blurred. Soft, in a hard world. Nature. Still cold though. Bright and dim. Pink cloud blowing past, oddly dog-shaped. Unshapen now. Light pollution. Quite a breeze tonight, here in this dark playground. Swing, swing.
Too much. The moon fades again. A little dizzy, I walk.
I keep doing this. Over and over again. Still no clue really, how to relate to people. I tend to miss what few opportunities I might have, to … well, talk I guess. To have a real conversation, rather than just basic social niceties. I guess there are exceptions.
This makes me think of the song ‘Lights of Sunday‘ by Emerald Park. Back to the original problem really.
Time to run.
Attempting metaphor, against my better judgement.

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